Seeing Red (funny)

The early morning sun is just rising over the colorful fall trees. There is a crisp cool breeze blowing through the cloudless sky. It seems a perfect day for gutter cleaning in Nashville…

The first side of the large two almost three storied house was finished almost effortlessly. "This job is going by fast, I'll be finished before lunch." I said to myself practically patting myself on the back. Twenty Four feet up I climbed to the gutters edge and on to the roof I went. This small ten foot section of gutter was extended over another roof line, and could not be reached any other way.
I walked along the roof line making sure to keep steady footing. Reaching the gutter now, I look in and realize it is jammed full to the brim with leaves and sticks. "No problem" I force the thought, so not to be discouraged. Usually a gutter of only ten feet would take minutes to clean, but this gutter was so very hard to reach even from the roof I was now standing on. I was on a fast paced roll, but that momentum was about to come to a grinding halt.

BZZZZZZZZ I hear thundering in my right ear. It was as if a low bass cord had been strung next to my head, the strings vibrations tickling my ear. Swatting with my free hand (my other holding the gutter, keeping my balance on the sharply pitched roof) and weaving my head instinctively. Swatting at what I now realized to be a tremendously large red wasp.

BZZZZZZZZ… swat, BZZZZ BZZZZZ, …swat (bobbing and weaving motion) The loud noise heard earlier was only the first of many dives the small red wing-ed devil would make toward me. This continued on for what seemed like minutes. The wasp never landing a clean hit, and was not dismayed in the least by my one flailing arm. Recognizing that I was helpless in my position, I moved higher on the roof and found a good foot hold along the joining of two roof lines. Now ready for all-out war upon this overly zealous little pest. I paused to wonder why I was the target of such rage; perhaps wasps were just inherently crazed and angry; or maybe I unknowingly destroyed his entire village by throwing his hive into a gutter bucket earlier. My thoughts were cut short as I remembered my very bright colored foe would soon be approaching. Pulling two blue towels from my service belt I began hacking and slashing wildly with abandon. The blue towels slicing through the air in a criss-cross pattern that I had once seen on a Bruce Lee flick. My defenses were now in place. Any flying creature that tried to come within that two foot barrier of whirling towels would quickly be ripped out the sky. I even took a moment to shout something to that effect. (as if the wasp could understand my threats)

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP THERE?!?" an old raspy voice called from below. The sound completely shattering my current train of thought. Quickly realizing how ridiculous I must look, I stop moving and strain for a quick explanation of what was happening. The only words that spilled out of my mouth were "there … was … a … bee." Looking down now at the neighbor who had crossed her lawn and was now standing in my customer's driveway staring at me incredulously. "WELL, WHATEVER IT IS YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING UP THERE, BE CAREFUL!" She shouted my way turning to walk back to her own property. I felt like an idiot, and wanted to shout something, anything back at her to redeem my reputation, thinking now, the whole neighborhood must have seen me acting like an escaped lunatic atop their neighbor's roof. BZZZZZZZ I hear so loud, I almost lose my footing. "THAT'S IT, YOU #$%^$ ^$#$@ &^%R #$*& @#$%$# !!!" I yell in frustration. It's now 12:00!! How had an entire hour passed? I decided to climb down for now, take lunch, letting the wasp win this small battle. "Make no mistake, Mr. Wasp when I return from lunch, I will have WASP SPRAY!"